I’ve never had a tire swing. Having grown up in the South, one might think that I would have had one hanging from a big old oak tree in every house I’ve ever lived in. The truth is, I never have. I know, I know. I’m as shocked as you are. As well as thoroughly embarrassed.
Think about this. What kind of adults do kids who grew up with a tire swing turn out to be? I’ll tell you. They grow up to be loving, happy, successful, well-adjusted, intelligent, and wealthy grown-ups. How do I know this? Read on friends. Did Bill Gates have a tire swing? Of course he did. What about the founder of Wal-mart, Sam Walton? You know he had one. And Bill Clinton? That dude was so successful he probably had a tire swing AND a treehouse. Mark Twain, Harriet Beecher Stowe, Abe Lincoln? Yep, all had tire swings. And speaking of former presidents, what about Thomas Jefferson? I think he invented the tire swing.
You know who didn’t have a tire swing? Joseph Stalin, Timothy McVeigh, the Beatles, the Unabomber, Bill O’Reilly. It’s true. And I can’t help but think that the world would be much different place if these guys had someone build a tire swing for them when they were kids. I know you’re thinking- causation doesn’t necessarily imply correlation. And you’d be right, but the link is simply too strong to ignore.
That’s it. After writing this, I’ve just decided that I’m going to build one for my kids as soon as we can buy a house with a big enough tree. I hope they’re not already in college before that happens. It could be too late by then.
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